In the Waiting

Yes...I am alive!  I've had blog ideas stuck in my head but just haven't sat down to chew on them enough to get them on here.  What I have to say today has nothing to do with my previous ideas, it's about what's going on in my head today. 

We all have seasons that we go through and we could all come up with a title for them.  The season I am in at the moment can be summed up with the work "waiting".  Not much glamorous about that, huh?  Maybe not.  However, I have known for a while now that God's desire for me is to "Be still and know that He is God".  Last night it occurred to me that it's in these moments and seasons of "stillness" that things are really happening behind the scenes.  We are not in a culture that does well with waiting and to be honest...I'm part of that culture.  I don't like to wait.  Whether I like it or not, it's what I'm doing.  I don't know how long this season will be, so, I can either be miserable, or I can embrace the truth that God is never still.  WE don't see what's going on, we might not FEEL that there are things going on...but God is always at work and I'm thankful that I'm one of His projects. 

Haylee loves it when I tell her stories of when she was a baby.  She loves stories about when I was little.  She loves stories, period.  She's been asking me questions about when Brian and I got married and in one of our conversations I must have told her that I had to wait for Brian.  (my time frame was about 12 years premature of God's time frame)  She asked me tonight to tell her about how I waiting for Brian when I was little.  I told her that I didn't know daddy when I was little.  She reminded me that I had told her that God made me wait for daddy.  I had told her that I asked God for a husband because I wanted to be married and God said "no, not yet".  I said, "Please, God....can I have  a husband now?"  God said "not yet, you're not ready".  (of course I relay this a little more entertaining for Haylee)  I told her that I finally told God, "OK, I'll wait.  Bring me a husband when you're ready".  Little did I know that God was waiting on ME to be ready.  I was antsy for a husband for 12 years before I got one.  Funny thing, it was in the waiting that I grew and matured enough to actually handle what I'd been asking for.  If you would have asked me at the time I would have told you that there wasn't much going on...but there was everything going on.  God never requires us to wait for something for nothing.  Rest in knowing that there is always a reason....and it is GOOD.  Thank GOD I didn't get married any sooner than I did.  I can only imagine where I would be today if I would have forced what i wasn't prepared for.

I'm doing a Beth Moore bible study about the book of James.  Interesting that the lesson tonight was all about waiting.  the title of the lesson was "between the rains".  You see, in the Bible it talks about how important the rains were.  They didn't get a lot of it...so the spring and the autumn rains were imperative for the crops and the people relied on that precious rain. 
There are times in our life when we are blessed with the rain we pray for and long for and need....and there are the times between the rain when we are forced to be still and wait.  The best part of the lesson was the verse Hosea 6:3 which says "Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him.  As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."

Beth Moore has such a gift with words and the way she can impact so many with her use of them.  She explained that as long as that sun rises our rain is coming.  That is a promise.  I needed that promise. We are never forgotten and we also are never alone in our waiting.  We have our Savior by our side, we have friends to walk beside us and to pray for us.  We all have seasons, and whether yours is a rainy one or a dry one, isn't it wonderful that we are never in any season alone?   

I might not need my umbrella for a while, but I'm holding on to it because I know that healing precious rain is coming.  God promised, and I will wait.

Conversations

Anyone who has known me for, oh, 12 minutes knows that I have a treasure friend whose name is Michelle.  She has been my best friend for 20 something years.  On Saturday night I had the pleasure of going out to dinner with her to celebrate her birthday which has been our tradition for quite a few years now.  We look forward to one of our favorite restaurants complete with wine, an appetizer, dinner, dessert and a hot cup of coffee to top it all off.  I have to say though, that as much as I LOVE, and I do mean LOVE the good food, what I look forward to the most is the company and conversation with my beloved friend.  We became friends in our early twenties, so, as you can imagine, over the years our conversations have grown and evolved just as we have.  I can't tell you how many times we have been talking and laughed until we cried.  I can't tell you how many times we have shared our souls and cried until there were no more tears to fall.  She walked me through the heart wrenching loss of my father and I walked her through the heart wrenching loss of her mother.  I was witness to her vows to her husband and she was witness to the vows I made to my husband.  We have supported each other through every hardship and trial and celebrated with each other over every success.  I trust her and love her and as a result sharing my deepest thoughts is effortless.  She loves me enough to tell me when I'm wrong, she loves me enough to tell me things that will sting.  I can hear it because "Wounds from a friend can be trusted"  (Proverbs 27:6)  Sharing your thoughts and feelings and longings with someone is good for your soul.  Knowing that you have been heard and understood by someone you love is an amazing feeling.  After one of our special conversations I feel lifted up, and not just for the rest of the day...many times it lasts for days.  I feel close to her, I feel thankful for her, and though I never think it's possible...I actually love her even more!


Every week our new amazing senior Pastor Nick sends out an e-mail letting the congregation know what he plans to speak on the following Sunday.  A few weeks ago he preached a message on why we pray.  For some reason the other day I started to think about that some more.  I got thinking about how much I love my meaningful conversations with Michelle, which led me to think that that is probably exactly the feeling God gets when we make the time to have "meaningful conversations" with Him.  I love Michelle, and if we go for a while without talking I really miss it.  I need it and want it.  God loves us and longs for us to open our hearts and souls to him.  He wants us to long for him the way he longs for us.  He wants our heart and our devotion.  He wants to know what we are feeling, what we are struggling with and he wants us to tell him what He can do to help us.  THAT is why we pray.  


My husband is wonderful in a host of ways...but those deep meaningful conversations aren't always easy for him to engage in.  He's not the talker that I am. (Thank GOD...there isn't room for two of me in the house)  Occasionally I have to go to him and tell him that I need to connect with him because I miss those conversations that have such meaning and result in closeness and true intimacy.  I can't help but wonder if that is what God is feeling when I neglect to take the time to really connect with Him too.  


Why do we pray?  We are instructed to, obviously that is one reason....but I'm seeing in a whole new light that we pray to keep our hearts open to share ourselves with the One who above all treasures relationship with the children He loves.  The closer we are to God the more we trust him and the easier it is to bear our souls to Him, and the more we will long for those conversations.