Happiness is......

I remember when I was young there were little figurines all over the gift stores that said "happiness is...."  you fill in the blank.  There were posters, shirts, pictures, etc. and they declared that happiness was anything from a person, to coffee (which is feasible if you ask me), sleep, hugs, kisses, smiles, you name it.   In the movie "you're a good man, Charlie Brown" there was even a song that had quite a few suggestions on what could bring some momentary or even some long term happiness.  


I was talking to a friend a while back and this friend asked how I was doing.  I don't know what I said exactly, but I must have answered with a lack of enthusiasm that gave the impression that I was unhappy.  The friend said "you know, you deserve to be happy and if you're not you need to go find what makes you happy."  This friend knows both my husband and I and knows that we have been working through some rough spots in our marriage.  I'm fairly certain this friend was referring to my marriage in the comment.   I thought about the comment quite a bit and was saddened in knowing that there are countless marriages that are no more because someone went out to pursue "happiness" that wasn't seen in the marriage.  Notice that I did not say wasn't IN the marriage, I said it wasn't SEEN in the marriage.  


I am a guilty as anyone of falling for the notion that my husband should make me happy.  If I'm not happy it's because my husband isn't meeting my needs, right?  Don't think I haven't slumped over on occasion with that idea in my head.  "If only my husband would to this, or wouldn't do that, I'd be happy." "If only he'd be a good spouse to me like I am to him!"  (insert hysterical laughter here!!)  What a crock of crap!  What a bold faced lie straight from the father of lies himself.  It is most certainly NOT my husbands responsibility to make me happy.  Does he have responsibilities in our marriage relationship?  Of course he does, but making sure that my feelings are warm and fuzzy is not one of them.  My happiness, contentment and my joy is my responsibility alone.  I could almost bring myself to tears thinking back on the resentments I have held tightly to in the past against my husband that I'm certain affected the happiness of us both in our marriage.  


Wouldn't it be great though if we could blame our lack of happiness and joy on someone else?  It sure would be easier that way.  It would  make walking out of a marriage a whole lot easier  believing that your marriage will never be happy because of someone else.  Oh the other hand, if my happiness was determined by what someone else did or didn't do what I sitting duck I'd feel  like.  I'd feel like little more than a puppet.  Embracing the fact that joy and happiness are mine for the taking at any time and in any circumstance is empowering!  Do people's actions affect us?  Of course they do.  There is no denying that we are uplifted by others and we are at times hurt by others and we do react, we are human after all.  The difference is that we do not have to be bound by the feelings that our responses generate.  We can, and I have....and unfortunately I have held on to those feelings for long periods of time.  I can't change how I have reacted in the past, but I can change how I react now and in the future.  No matter what the circumstances are there is always and forever a reason to get on knees and thank God for something.  


I don't believe my friend meant any harm in the comment.  My friend sensed pain and offered what was believed to be life giving advice.  The comment brought me to my senses though.  I probably WAS wallowing.  I probably WAS unhappy in that moment and probably WAS thinking that it was the fault of someone other than myself.  Thank GOD my happiness is not dependent on the action or inaction of another whether it be my husband, my children, my friends, or my family.  There is power and freedom in knowing that I determine whether or not I suck the marrow out of the day.  I choose what reactions I take to the events that take place throughout the day.  As previously stated, I'll be the first to admit that my reactions are NOT always what they should be, but I can change that.  I know that happiness is always being served should I choose to grasp it.  


You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy.
Psalm 16:11


Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
John 10:10