If you're teaching and you know it clap your hands

We have a little house that is set back quite a way from the road.  In front of us is another house and we share a small portion of the driveway.  On most days (don't judge) I get the mail when I'm returning from an errand or something.  On some days I'll grab myself a handful of trail mix and trek down the driveway on foot, but admittedly that is not the norm. 

In the house in front of us there lives an elderly lady that has some dementia and she lives there with her daughter.  Nine times out of ten when she sees my van stop at the mailbox she bolts out of house and waves me down.  I stop and chat with her and she asks me the same questions day after day without fail.  Most days I happily chat with her and she truly is a very sweet lady.  There was a day not too long ago, however, that I just wasn't in the mood for the questions and I was tired and just wanted to get home.  When I got in the van I mumbled something like "oh boy, here we go."  Of course I stopped and chatted with her and then was on my way.  The exchange took all of 30 seconds. 

The next day I stopped to get the mail she started to come out, only this time it was Haylee that was mumbling "oh boy, here we go again."  You should have heard me back-peddling....or at least attempting to.  We stopped and chatted with her and I then had to have a little chat with Haylee to explain to her that my response was not very kind and was not an appropriate response. 

A few days ago when she greeted me on the way OUT of my driveway she asked me if I could pick her up a few coloring books from the dollar store.  She really enjoys coloring.  I told her that I would if I had time, but that I had a very busy day.  It was true...I had a lot of things to get done in a short amount of time and if you know me at all you know I don't handle that stress all that well!!  (understatement alert) 

I immediately felt a gentle nudge from God.  I knew without a doubt that I needed to find 5 minutes to pick her up a few coloring books.  I had Haylee with me, so I said, "Haylee, I think we should stop at the dollar store first.  Will you help me pick out some books for her?"  She was very excited.  A few minutes later she said to me "Mama, it's very nice of you to get some coloring books for her."  She humbled me.  We had a beautiful little chat about how simple acts of kindness can make a person's day very happy.  I was so thankful that I didn't miss this amazing moment to teach Haylee a little bit about kindness. 

I learned a few rather important things through this little scenerio.  The glaring lesson of course is that like it or not I am teaching all the time.  Good moments and bad....they are watching and learning. 

The other think that smacked me in the backside was that I need to be kind even when I'm not in the mood.  I call myself a Christian and I need to do my best to represent what it is I claim to believe.  I have an elderly mother who depends on others for her care.  Would I want people caring for her that were annoyed at having to do so?  Of course not.  I learned my lesson. 

I know that I have written about a similar topic not too long ago.....but if I'm being reminded of it again so soon, perhaps someone else could use a refresher too.  There are so many times that I am teaching and I don't know it.  I do know this for a fact, however.....if I'm teaching it....I'd better live it too. 

Let your YES be YES. (and sometimes let your NO be YES)

This blog may be a bit challenging to write.  I want to be careful to be loving and respectful of someone I love very much.  Please keep this in mind.

I had a very peaceful, uneventful childhood for the most part.  I had parents who loved each other and loved all of their children very much.  I do recall several instances though that at the time were very disappointing for a child.  When I was young I really thought my mother's favorite word was "No."  Then after a while I decided that her favorite words were "It's not necessary."   My sister and I joke about it quite often since she heard the phrase more times that she could count as well.  Again, I must say that I am not trying to speak negatively of my mother, who I know fully in my heart loved me very much.  As an adult now I am able to see much more clearly what she must have been going through.  She had 6 children.  3 teenagers, (pause 9 years), then a 3 year old, a 1 year old and then a newborn.  She had her hands full.  She was tired.  Every parent is different and we all make mistakes or look back on things we would do differently if we could.   Anyway...the bottom line is that it was my perception, be it right or wrong, that I was often told "no."   Also....I detest the phrase "it's not necessary." 

On the other end of the spectrum, I have an amazing friend, Michelle, who has been my very closest friend for over 20 years.  I love her, admire her and respect her more than words can express.  She is a very gifted therapeutic preschool teacher.  Over the years we have had countless conversations about our childhoods, in the past 7 years we have had countless conversations about her classroom and the challenges that she faces, and the challenges I have faced with getting the hang of this whole parenting thing.  Michelle has taught me SO many things over the years and she has definitely helped me to be a better mother.  One thing that she has taught me that I recall often is the way she describes how she interacts with her students.  She said that she does her best to say "yes" as often as she can.  She used examples of how to avoid using the word "no" by offering other suggestions.  As an example, if her student wants to play in the mud, but that isn't allowed, then she will offer other similar fun activities such as "well, how about we play in the sandbox and make a tower?"  Here are some of her words that have been been branded into my brain.  During a conversation one day she said, "when a child asks me if they can do something I ask myself, 'what will it hurt?'."  "If it's something that won't hurt anything, then I try to say yes."

I honestly do try to remember that concept...isn't it great?  It truly is great, but it isn't always easy to put into practice.  Someday I really am going to count how many questions and requests I get in a day.  I believe the tally would be staggering. 

In further honesty, sometimes I just don't have the energy to say yes.  There you have it.  There are times I say no because I just don't feel like it.  We have all been there, and sometimes the answer HAS to be no because though THEY can run 24-7, WE can not.

Last night at around 9:30 (please no lectures about late bedtime) Kerrington came upstairs with her arms chuck full of books for me to read her right as I was about to crawl into my favorite spot on my bed and watch my favorite guilty pleasure on TV. (Bachelorette, or course)  There it was.  Right then and there I had a choice to make.  I could have easily sent her back downstairs for bedtime.  Michelle's words popped into my brain..."what will it hurt?"  I paused my show and she crawled up into my bed and we read the stack of books not once, but twice.  Guess what?  It didn't hurt.  It didn't hurt at all.  Sitting here typing this I have a little smile on my face remembering her little face as she listened to me read.  Reading to Kerrington at that moment WAS absolutely necessary. 

I so wish I got more of those moments right.  Regretfully I have missed many, but thankfully there are millions more of those moments to come and I'm going to do my very best to embrace all of them that I can. 

It not wrong to tell your child no.  Sometimes it is "necessary" to say no...but sometimes it's so very necessary to say "Yes." 





 

Splish, Splash!! (This was NOTHING like a bath)

One challenge that every parent of school aged children has during the summer is finding adequate ways of entertaining (aka: adequately exhausting) the children.  We'll just be walking in the door from an activity and Haylee will ask me "Mama, are we going to go somewhere today?"  It can make one nutty.  On Saturday Brian and I were brainstorming activities that would be fun for everyone.  Many of the ideas were a few hours away, and since we were brainstorming a little late for that we settled on the Splashdown Water Park in Manassas.  For many reasons this was not my favorite choice, but it was an overwhelming hit with the girls. 

My confession.  I deal with an obnoxious battle with anxiety.  Anyone who deals with anxiety to any degree knows that it comes and goes; many times with no real rhyme or reason.  As I pictured myself walking around a crowded waterpark in a bathing suit I wasn't necessarily comfortable in it started to hit me.  I started getting touchy.  I was annoyed that I couldn't find towels.  I was annoyed that I couldn't find a beach bag.  I was annoyed that I couldn't find the sunscreen, then when we got into the car I was annoyed that the air conditioner was blowing on me!!!  I was uncomfortable and edgy and admittedly very anxious. 

Brian bought me a mug that says "life begins at the end of your comfort zone."  I joke that even drinking coffee out of that mug makes me uncomfortable.  You want to know where my comfort zone is?  My bed.  I love my bed.  Since I was a teenager I have loved my bed.  I did my homework on my bed.  I talked on the phone on my bed.  I wrote hundreds of poems on my bed.  I think I've probably typed a few hundred appraisals on my bed.  You know what though?  There is no life tucked all comfy on my bed. 

So, there you have it.  I was on my way to a water park with two extremely excited little girls doing my very best to put my annoying anxiety behind me and enjoy my family and a fun new experience with my littles.

We got to the water park and because it wasn't a crazy hot day it honestly wasn't very crowded, but it was still too crowded for my taste.  I was still anxious....but every time I would look at my little girls' faces with their priceless smiles and squeals of delight it was easy to forget about myself.  They had so much fun on the water slides that were just their size, we all took a few trips around the lazy river and Kerrington was very proud of her "swimming" in 2 feet of water.  It truly was an amazing day. 

I wish I could say that pursuing "life" always wins, but that would be a lie.  There are days when the anxiety wins.  However, everytime I'm able to break through the anxiety it loses its power.  So much of the battle is in the mind.  When I'm able to remember all that comes with a little discomfort I feel a little more brave. 

The water park was definitely outside of my comfort zone, and I found life there.