Let your YES be YES. (and sometimes let your NO be YES)

This blog may be a bit challenging to write.  I want to be careful to be loving and respectful of someone I love very much.  Please keep this in mind.

I had a very peaceful, uneventful childhood for the most part.  I had parents who loved each other and loved all of their children very much.  I do recall several instances though that at the time were very disappointing for a child.  When I was young I really thought my mother's favorite word was "No."  Then after a while I decided that her favorite words were "It's not necessary."   My sister and I joke about it quite often since she heard the phrase more times that she could count as well.  Again, I must say that I am not trying to speak negatively of my mother, who I know fully in my heart loved me very much.  As an adult now I am able to see much more clearly what she must have been going through.  She had 6 children.  3 teenagers, (pause 9 years), then a 3 year old, a 1 year old and then a newborn.  She had her hands full.  She was tired.  Every parent is different and we all make mistakes or look back on things we would do differently if we could.   Anyway...the bottom line is that it was my perception, be it right or wrong, that I was often told "no."   Also....I detest the phrase "it's not necessary." 

On the other end of the spectrum, I have an amazing friend, Michelle, who has been my very closest friend for over 20 years.  I love her, admire her and respect her more than words can express.  She is a very gifted therapeutic preschool teacher.  Over the years we have had countless conversations about our childhoods, in the past 7 years we have had countless conversations about her classroom and the challenges that she faces, and the challenges I have faced with getting the hang of this whole parenting thing.  Michelle has taught me SO many things over the years and she has definitely helped me to be a better mother.  One thing that she has taught me that I recall often is the way she describes how she interacts with her students.  She said that she does her best to say "yes" as often as she can.  She used examples of how to avoid using the word "no" by offering other suggestions.  As an example, if her student wants to play in the mud, but that isn't allowed, then she will offer other similar fun activities such as "well, how about we play in the sandbox and make a tower?"  Here are some of her words that have been been branded into my brain.  During a conversation one day she said, "when a child asks me if they can do something I ask myself, 'what will it hurt?'."  "If it's something that won't hurt anything, then I try to say yes."

I honestly do try to remember that concept...isn't it great?  It truly is great, but it isn't always easy to put into practice.  Someday I really am going to count how many questions and requests I get in a day.  I believe the tally would be staggering. 

In further honesty, sometimes I just don't have the energy to say yes.  There you have it.  There are times I say no because I just don't feel like it.  We have all been there, and sometimes the answer HAS to be no because though THEY can run 24-7, WE can not.

Last night at around 9:30 (please no lectures about late bedtime) Kerrington came upstairs with her arms chuck full of books for me to read her right as I was about to crawl into my favorite spot on my bed and watch my favorite guilty pleasure on TV. (Bachelorette, or course)  There it was.  Right then and there I had a choice to make.  I could have easily sent her back downstairs for bedtime.  Michelle's words popped into my brain..."what will it hurt?"  I paused my show and she crawled up into my bed and we read the stack of books not once, but twice.  Guess what?  It didn't hurt.  It didn't hurt at all.  Sitting here typing this I have a little smile on my face remembering her little face as she listened to me read.  Reading to Kerrington at that moment WAS absolutely necessary. 

I so wish I got more of those moments right.  Regretfully I have missed many, but thankfully there are millions more of those moments to come and I'm going to do my very best to embrace all of them that I can. 

It not wrong to tell your child no.  Sometimes it is "necessary" to say no...but sometimes it's so very necessary to say "Yes."