Crazy Bird Lady

Just kidding.  I'm not a crazy bird lady.  Not yet anyway.  Give me a few years and I may be in the running, who knows.  There's no doubt about it though....I do love to watch birds.  My mother loved to watch birds, and squirrels, and chipmunks and really any other critter that anyone else would chase off their deck with a broom, or pellet gun.  Watching the birds is peaceful.  Watching the antics of the squirrels chipmunks can be quite entertaining. 

Our new little house is on 2.3 acres and there are lots of trees and lots of wild birds and other wildlife.  I have a little garden type area in front of my haven and I'd like to have it filled with birds.  My friend gave me a book all about feeding and attracting wild birds and I found out a lot of things I didn't know.  The book described different birds and what kind of seeds they prefer.  Some like the black seeds, little birds like the niger seeds (never even heard of those) and some like a variety.   The book was very informative on places to put a feeder, which I didn't think of.  I first placed one outside my kitchen window, but no birds came.  :(  Come to find out I placed the feeder in the open and it was not a safe place for the birds to come and snack.  Feeders need to be near trees and branches for a quick getaway if needed. 

After educating myself somewhat, I headed out yesterday to get what I needed for my little bird oasis.  I looked at all the feeders, all the seed, all the birdhouses and after careful consideration for the birds, and my wallet (this stuff is not cheap), I chose a few feeders and some seed and returned home excited about setting it all up.  Anyone who knows me knows how excited I get about little things, and I was really excited!!!  I put the new seeds in the feeders and thoughtfully placed them where the birds would have cover and shade and easy access to the feeder.   I also scrubbed the birdbath that was hiding in the weeds for who knows how long and filled it with water.  After it was all up I looked at it and was so excited about what I provided for these little feathered friends and could not wait to watch them enjoy it.

This morning I got up before anyone else (big deal for me) and quickly made some coffee and headed out for the morning show.  I got out to the porch of my haven and sat, sipped some coffee and couldn't help but smile knowing what was coming.  I waited.  Nothing.  Waited some more.  Nothing.  Zip.  Nada.  Was I disappointed?  Yup.  I sure was.  I carefully prepared what I thought was the perfect oasis for them and they didn't show.   I'm sure that with some time they will come and enjoy what I worked so hard to give them.  When they do come I'll be just as excited for sure...but sad that they didn't enjoy it sooner. 

I'm heading somewhere.....honest!!!

You know...God doesn't have to read a book about us to research our needs and desires.  He knew us intimately before we were even here right down to the hairs on our heads.   To a much, much greater degree than my little oasis, God has designed the perfect path for each of us that is tailor made for exactly what we need and thankfully for us, he also takes into consideration the things we love.  He doesn't ever force us to take His path, but it gives Him the greatest joy when we follow Him and are able to enjoy all He has prepared for us.  It hurts my heart to think of the times that I followed my own path and not His.  Just like I was disappointed when my birds didn't show up....God is saddened when we don't show up.  However...when we do get out our compass and get back on track there is no shortage of celebration of our arrival when we get to the oasis God has for us. 

Parenting 101

I was going to start by saying that there's no such thing, but in this day and age I'm sure there is a class for that, or at least an app for that!  Anyone who has had a child knows that anyone else that has had a child is in fact an expert.  I'm sure I've been guilty of giving more of my opinion than needed or wanted on the subject too.  I have observed, however, that when someone is offering a "lecture" on child rearing you can take a lot of it with a grain of salt.  (no offense) When you have a fellow mother who is sharing her struggles and frustrations and remedies you listen up and take some notes. 

There are of course some clear lines that we don't cross.  One of them involves duct tape. (much to the dismay of a few of my friends)  Of course there are some universal do's and don'ts.  The thing is that one set of rules are never going to work for all children or for all parents.  Some parents have some strict rules our of sheer necessity.  If mom and dad both have to get up and head out to work at 6 am the kids are not staying awake till 10 pm.  (like mine)

I am heading in a direction, honest.  When I was little I was a bed crasher.  I had 3 older siblings and almost every night I would wake up and crawl into bed with one of them.  My older sister Joan was my favorite.  She had the cool clock that that had the numbers drop and I could watch it!   I love that my brother and sisters let me crawl in bed with them and snuggle.  Those were precious memories that I love to think back on today. 

I have two little bed crashers.  I let them come in when they wander in at 3 am.  I know that not all parents do, but this is one thing that I don't want to fight about at that hour of the morning.  It goes deeper than that though.  Although I admittedly sometimes wake up cranky from the disrupted sleep and the knee in my back, or face, I love that my girls wake up and want to be close to me.  They crawl up and snuggle as close as they can to me and are back sleeping in less than a minute in most cases.  I wrap my arm around them partially because I love them and partially to keep my heart from bursting out of my chest.  These are going to be precious memories if not for them, for me.  I want them to remember that when they needed a little extra comfort mommy took them in her arms. 

One incredibly wise mom said to me "the days are long but the years are short".  Over and over you hear that it goes way to fast.  You blink and your little ones are grown.  I have heard this so many times and in so many ways that I did listen and take note.  I didn't get the best sleep last night, but I got some great snuggles from my girls.  I know full well that in a few years running to mommy for comfort will probably not be their first thought.  For now it is, and for now I choose to forgo a little sleep for a little snuggle. 

Precious memories.  I have quite a few.  I have great memories of all my older sisters gave to me and certainly all the love the flowed out of every pore of my dad.  I'm not a perfect mom and will never be....but I learned how to love, and THAT I can give. 

An extra set of eyes.....or two

Yesterday morning I woke up to what I thought was perhaps one of Haylee's dragons wandering about downstairs.  I soon realized that it was not a 3 ton dragon, but rather Kerrington making her way up the stairs to snuggle.  (She stomps instead of walking just like her daddy).  Haylee had already made her way up sometime in the night for snuggles, so then there were two.  I got up and got them some milk and cereal and turned on My Little Pony for them and thought this was a perfect time to escape outside to drink some coffee with my new little flying friends.  Just as I'm pouring the creamer into my liquid happiness I hear a screech.  Here comes Kerrington back down the stairs.  She wanted to be with me.  My little nugget of solitude was gone.  Plan B....I took her outside with me!  I told her we had to be really quiet so we didn't scare the birdies and she sat on my lap as quiet as could be.

There we sat waiting.  It didn't take long for a few hummingbirds to pop over to say good morning.  Their feeder is up high.  The other feeder is hanging from a pole on the ground.  After a few minutes I could see the birds coming closer.  There was a whole lot of chatter.  I suspect they didn't appreciate the strange guests that were a little too close to their food source.  They chirped and chirped and they flew from branch to branch.  One in particular was quite talkative and he slowly moved in closer and closer.  After about 5 minutes he took the plunge and landed on the feeder.  He had determined there was no threat and soon all the others joined him.

This was fascinating to me and it struck me that they saw something that could be unsafe and they were all cautious.  They took their time to make sure there was no danger and worked together to keep each other safe.  It made me think back on some of the poor choices that I've made in the past.  The times I saw something that looked good and didn't bother to listen to the chirps around me or didn't bother to look around to check for danger myself.  I could have saved myself a whole lot of heartache to say the least.

God tells us not to forsake the assembly of one another.  He doesn't ask us to do things just to tack on a rule.  There is a reason He wants us to band together.  We NEED each other.  We are social beings and we're not meant to be an island.  When we have others in our lives that we trust and they tell us there is danger ahead and we actually listen there is so much pain that can be avoided. 

I'm going to try to pay more attention to the chirps.  How about you?

Freedom found in letting go

Letting go of something that is comfortable is hard.  Embracing something unfamiliar and unknown can be even harder.  This is another one of those things that may harder for some personalitlies more than others.  I think I fall somewhere in the middle, but if I'm being honest I probably lean more toward having a pretty hard time with all of it. 

I mentioned in a previous post that I'm letting my appraisal business go and moving on to other things.  There have been a few times that I've panicked thinking "WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I DOING?????"  (I'm sort of used to that thought though)  For the most part , however, I am at peace with it because I just know in my heart that it's the right thing to do.  I know that God has something up his sleeve for me (does God have sleeves???)  Hmmm.  Anyway...I know that God has something in mind for me, and I know that I can't wholeheartedly seek out what that is AND keep up the appraisal business.  Since making the decision I can't believe how much peace I feel.  I never realized how much stress it caused me even when I didn't have any work to do.  I was stressed when I had work, and then I was stressed when I didn't have work.  I was completely oblivous to the stress I was putting on myself to bring in work.  I was checking my e-mail 20 times a day to see if I got any assignments in.  It's crazy that we can put so much stress on ourselves for really no reason whatsoever and be clueless to it until it's gone and we feel like a 50 pound weight has been lifted off of our back.

The second part is just as challenging.  It's so hard to just go because God says so.  I sort of feel like Moses following a cloud.  Moses didn't know where he was going, he was told to follow and he did.  When the time was right he was given further instruction.  God has always been faithful and reliable...so why is it so hard to just follow?  I've always said that I'd just  appreciate a syllabus.  I'd like to know what to expect along the way.  Who wouldn't, huh?  That's just not the way God rolls.  He expects our faith because He is faithful.  This is such a simple concept and I'm a little ashamed to admit that it's just now really clicking with me.  I am really really excited about what God has in the future for me.  I truly am, but I can't say I'm not still hoping for a sneak peak at what's ahead.  I have some idea of what I'm supposed to do...but it's pretty much just a direction at this point.   I'm just walking and waiting for the next action card to drop.  

I don't know what is to come....but I'm enjoying the days with less stress than before.  I'm enjoying my new home and new surroundings and so many other things that I just wasn't appreciating the way I should because of all the pressure I was putting on myself.  The really cool thing is that it's never too late to start thoroughly enjoying what is before you. 

With a little hard work...

It was a LONG weekend.  It was a weekend of sweat, sweat and more sweat.  Yard work, and lots of it.  Brian had a work conference to attend last week and got home on Friday night and I'm sure would have welcomed a relaxing weekend enjoying being back with his family.  Instead, however, he was on a mission.  Our new house has what I consider the most beautiful little office a person could want.  It's detached from the house and is an amazing little retreat that Brian said was all mine.  There is so much amazing potential in this little place, but unfortunately it was surrounded by weeds that were obviously sucking down some serious steriods as well as loads and loads of poison oak and other debris.  Brian was determined to clear out this mess and make it an exension of the little office that already I've come to treasure.  He wanted the outside to match the inside.  You see, Brian wants me to have a place to go for solitude.  He knows how much I crave it, need it and long for it when it's missing.  He knows it feeds my soul.  He has wanted me to get back to writing for years now because he sees something in me.  He wanted to create an environment that contributes to exploring my creativity.   So, as a result of this he worked, and worked and would not stop.  The man believes in me.  I have never seen him so concentrated on a task and that's the truth.  The result?  I wish I took a picture of the front of my haven before so the after could be more appreciated.  It's amazing.  The trees are singing in their new freedom from the weeds.  I look out the window and I see a beautiful little garden freshly mulched with carefully trimmed bushes and soon there will be some pretty floral additions.  I'm honored that Brian put so much energy into this project to make a peaceful setting for me to gaze on as I sit in my office and write.  Thank you Brian. 

Thinking about all of this there is a clear spiritual message in this as well.  You know, I knew exactly why Brian was working so hard...he told me why, and I was by his side sweating with him and I could clearly see the goal in sight.  When God is working on us WE don't always see the goal in sight.  We feel the pruning and the weeding and the raking and it doesn't feel very good most of the time.  As a matter of fact much of the time it is downright painful to endure.  The thing is that God sees what we are capable of and sees that with a little work there will be an environment that has no bounds.  He works hard in us because he knows what is inside of us and he loves us too much to leave us be.  The hard part for us is that we don't see the picture that He does and to us sometimes it just feels like a bunch of pain for no reason whatsoever.  Let's be honest, living a life for God brings pain...he said there would be, so we shouldn't be surprised.  We have to remember that it's through the pain that we learn and grow and mature.  When God is done he looks at us and says, "Wow.  Look what I can do now". 

I don't know what God is doing in you.  I don't really know what God is doing in me, but I'm trying to be a canvas for Him and want nothing more than for my heart to be an environment that makes Him smile.

squeaky clean feet

Isn't it funny the things that we remember so vividly from our childhood?  Things that our parents could have easily dismissed could be the very things that we treasure in our minds as we grow older. 

My sister Annie is 363 days older than me....pretty close in age.  We played together all the time in the dirt, in the mud, in the woods and of course shoes were not an option when you could just run around in bare feet.  At the end of the day inevitably our feet were as black as black could be.  My dad would sit us both on the double sinks and he'd scrub and scrub our feet until they were clean and night after night he savored all the giggles that accompanied the scrubbing.  He always made it fun, always had a new song to sing and always had a million kisses and hugs to shower us with.  After our feet were clean he would put us to bed and tell us all about his day and then say prayers with us and then our day was done.  Dad washing my little feet are some of the most precious memories I have of that amazingly wonderful man that I was blessed to call my father.

Tonight Haylee and Kerrington were out and about playing in the dirt and grass and gravel and who knows what else.  Kerrington got a bath...but Haylee was still out playing.  By the time she came in I didn't really feel like going through the whole bath routine again....so I hoisted her up on my sink and ran the water to wash her feet in my sink.  Tears almost fell from my eyes as I looked at her and envisioned myself as a little girl looking up at my dad.  Looking at Haylee often catches me by surprise because she's certainly all Miller and she has my father's eyes.   Though the moment was poignant I found myself savoring the opportunity to pass something to my daughter that was so special to me.  I told her how my daddy used to wash my feet just like I was doing for her and she always loves hearing about her grandpa. 

Oh, how I miss that man.  How I wish my girls could have been a part of his life and him a part of theirs.  I know they will one day be in his arms in Heaven, but I'm realizing that my dad is certainly alive in me and always will be and his legacy will go on even if it's with the simple act of washing little feet.

Changes

Part of life is change, we all know this to be true.  Some of us welcome it with open arms and others run from it like the plague.  No matter how we choose to react, it comes and it comes at its own timetable.  The past few years have brought tremendous change in my life.  I've only been married for 6 years, that was a change after all those years of independence.  I had a baby, then had another one....both huge changes.  I moved from Maryland to Virginia and then moved 3 times while in Virginia.  Lots of change.  

Why is it that we're at times so terrified of change?  There's a host of reasons, but the big one for me is trust.  Anyone ever had a tiny struggle with that little 5 letter word?  Anyone?  How can so few letters be so troublesome?  Here's my latest example should anyone be interested.

I have recently made the decision, with my husband, or course, to let my appraisal business go.  I've been working in the appraisal field since 1993 and have had my own real estate business since 2000.  Why in the world would I do that?  Well, business has been getting slower and slower and frankly I've decided to focus on other things and challenge myself in different directions.  Change.  I've been toying with the idea for some time, but I pushed it aside and recently I realized one of the reasons why.  Letting my business go is going to force me to, GULP, trust in ways I have never really had to.  I have worked since I was 15 years old and have been on my own since 23 and have always supported myself.  I now must trust my husband in ways I never truly had to.  This is not going to be easy since that independent streak in me pops up here and there without me even realizing it. 

I'm sure it's quite obvious where I'm going with this.  Although learning to trust my husband in a deeper way is going to be a challenge, it's also going to bring us closer together.  I'm going to depend on him in new ways and he is going to be needed in new ways.  Men love, love, love to be needed.  They long to provide.  I'll have a new appreciation for Brian and he'll have a renewed sense of provision.  It's a win-win in the end.

God works in the same way.  It's without fail through the challenges and rough spots in our life that we truly learn to trust Him and need Him.  He never fails us, never will.  That's a promise.  As we learn to trust Him we grow closer to Him and our relationship with our Lord is strengthened.  Sometimes the changes we are faced with are heart wrenching ones, sometimes just annoying, or somewhere in the middle.  God doesn't care what the challenge is, if it matters to you it matters to Him and He wants nothing more than to carry every single one of us through our challenges.  God doesn't allow change to hurt us, that's not His way.  His goal is to make us the best we can be for His glory and getting to our best will inevitably involve change. 

The power of surroundings

Ok, so.  I've now entered the world of blogging.  This is my first try, so please be kind.  My friends should love this, because if you're interested in my ramblings, here you go and if you're not you can just click to get rid of me.  Not quite so easy in person. 

I've started this blog in attempt to jump-start my brain into functioning at a higher level.  I'm hoping with some oil and some revving I'll be good.  Being at home with a 2 and 4 year old has been the hardest and most rewarding experience of my life, however, I've memorized far too many board books and can belt out Go, Diego, Go like no other.  (I'm quite proud of that though)  I'm ready to take a little more time for myself.

Here's the gist of my ponderings of today.  Thankfully we just moved into a new little house on 2.3 acres.  The house has a detached office that is now my little haven.  As I sit here typing I can look out the windows and see the trees and the branches swaying in the breeze.  I look out the window and a calm comes over me.  It's peaceful.  It's powerful.  It soothes and comforts my soul.  My inside reflects the outside.  We most often hear how the outside reflects the inside, and it's very true....but the opposite can be true as well. 

Spiritually the same is true.  Sitting in church on Sunday the feeling was the same.  I wasn't surrounded by trees or a breeze, but I was surrounded by a host of people that love the Lord and love me and it was peaceful.  It was powerful.  It soothed and comforted my soul. 

I've been reminded of the power of our surroundings.  May we all surround ourselves with those things that sooth our souls. 

Make it a remarkable day.