Pain Management

August, 2013

It was a hot summer day at the Paap estate.  We had been sorting through things in the garage in effort to organize.   Such a fun way to spend a summer Saturday afternoon, right?  In our sorting we discovered a wiffle ball and bat and behold!... our competitive nature took over and soon we were in the yard.  Batter up!!!  First it was the 18 year old wonder boy.  He got a couple of good hits in.  Next came Senior Paap (Brian) and he also had some good cracks too.  Next up was Mama (that would be me).  This was serious you know.  I was going against "the boys" and this had to be good.  I stretched out a little, swung the bat a few times and then I was up.  After a few hits I'd rather not mention, I really connected with that ball and it flew way across the yard sailing further than either of the boys.  I was victorious and admittedly quite proud and maybe, just MAYBE, a little loud.  Little did I know I was going to pay for that mighty swing in a mighty way.  

A few days later I noticed that it hurt to move my arm in certain ways.  I couldn't move it back or to the side without a lot of pain.  Great...a pulled muscle I thought.  I figured I didn't stretch quite enough and that in a few days it would be better.  A few days turned into a few weeks.  The pain was getting worse and it took less and less to "tweak" it.  I finally went to the dr. and he said it was a pulled rotator cuff.  I was to ice it and take Ibuprofen.  

A few months went by.  I was still in pain when I moved my shoulder and my range of motion was shrinking.  Now the pain was so bad that if I accidentally bumped my shoulder the wrong way I would literally fall to the floor in tears. I'm not a wuss...this was some serious pain.  Something was really wrong.  

After many trips to the shoulder specialist it was decided that surgery could be an option.   I didn't want to go this route....but after months of living in fear that someone or something might bump my shoulder in the wrong way I was ready to take the plunge.  I'm just too young to be so limited and I desperately want my life back the way it was!

Fast forward to today, May 19, 2014.

My surgery is scheduled for Friday.  This morning my stomach has been in knots and I keep wondering what is wrong.  It hit me.  I'm scared.  I'm trusting this doctor to cut into my shoulder and fix it.  I don't think I'm a control freak, but this is a lot of trust to put in someone.  I've been living in pain and it's not fun.  What if the Dr. makes a mistake and messes my shoulder up even more?  What if I'm still in pain after the surgery?  I can't dwell on that, but I wouldn't be human if the thoughts didn't pop in and out on occasion.  The bottom line is that if I want to get rid of the pain I have to put my trust in the Doctor.  I've been trying on my own to get better and frankly I can't take the pain anymore.

Pain isn't a bad thing.  Pain tells us that something is wrong.  Something needs attention.  We need pain, but we don't want to live with it indefinitely. Jesus was called a lot of things.  One of His names was the Great Physician.   We know that Jesus heals the sick and we know he comforts his children.  We ask for healing and the answer isn't always yes.  We don't know why some are healed and some are not, but we do know that God is good all the time and He is deserving of our trust all the time.  I don't believe God ever intended for us to suffer any sort of pain alone.  Verse after verse in the Bible God promises to be a haven for us.  He promises peace and comfort...but there is a tiny little catch.  We have to trust Him.  All of his promises are there for us to take and He longs to give us all He has...but we have to have our arms, and our heart open to receive it.  How it must break his heart to watch His children suffer needlessly.  God never promised us a pain free life.  Actually, He promised us the opposite.  Everyone on this earth will experience pain, be it physical or emotion or both.  Just like my shoulder couldn't heal on it's own, we really can't either.  When we can't take the pain anymore, we just have to trust.  Emotional pain with break your heart, physical pain can crush your spirit.  There is hope for both in His promises.


"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18