We live on a 2.3 acre lot. It's not huge, but it's a nice size for little girls to explore. It's nice to be able to kick them outside and know that they will eventually find something to entertain them. The other day I was watching my 5 year old running around the yard. I'd look out and she'd be in one spot, then the next time I looked she was on the other side of the yard. Every few minutes she would holler for me in totally excitement. "Mama!!!!! Look what I found!!!" Sometimes it would be a little caterpillar or slug, sometimes it was squirmy little worm (again...we get a lot of those). It really doesn't matter if it's something that she had found before, today is a new day and a new worm is just plain exciting. I watched her for a while as she popped from tree to tree, or from rock to rock looking carefully in anticipation of what she might find. It didn't bother her if it took a while to make a discovery...she knew that if she searched long enough she wouldn't be disappointed. I don't think she knew exactly what she was looking for, but she knew to expect something, and that was enough to keep her going and it was enough to keep her search strong. I can tell you, she has never been disappointed.
I started to think about what it means to search with expectation. I wondered how things might be different for me if I opened up my Bible and searched the way Kerrington searched our yard for treasures. What if I was to open the Word with expectation not knowing what I would find, but fully trusting that I would find something exciting. What if I opened my Bible believing with all my heart that I would find treasures and that I would not be disappointed.
Kerrington COULD kick through the yard and declare that there's nothing there. She doesn't though because she KNOWS there are all sorts of surprises if she keeps looking.
I know that there have been times that I've gone to my Bible and closed it again in disappointment because I didn't immediately find exactly what I was looking for. Kerrington has reminded me that the treasures ARE there and when I open my Bible with expectation I will never be disappointed. Neither will you.
Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.
Psalm 119:130
The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.
About Me
- Who I am: Janiece
- I'm a wife and mom of a 19 year old stepson and 2 little girls ages 5 and almost 7. I was a self-employed real estate appraiser for 12 years and am ready to turn the page and Lord willing go back to school and see what God has next for me. Certainly my highest priority is to attempt to keep the house in order for my dear husband and to savor all the moments I can with my little ones that are growing entirely too fast.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Dad
This will be a short blog. It's a day to honor Fathers and I was incredibly blessed to have a dad that showered me with love and affection and taught by example. He loved the LORD with all his heart and that was probably the best gift of all. I just wanted to jot down a poem I wrote for my dad back in 2003. My dad passed away in 1997. Here is what I wrote for him.
Can you believe it has been so long?
Six years, how time does fly,
So many questions constantly circle my mind
Although I'm no longer asking "why"?
God had His reasons for calling you home
I can't blame him, that's for sure.
Though I needed you here with me
Perhaps He needed a heart that was pure.
Still I wonder how you are
I'll bet you're still singing every day.
No one louder, no one prouder,
No one to steal your joy away.
I wish one more smile was aimed at me
What I'd give to hold your hand once more,
I'm saving up a special hug
For when I'm at Heaven's door.
Daddy, how much of me can you see?
Do my failures make you cry?
How I long to make you proud,
Do you see how hard I try?
Sometimes I forget the things you taught
And I make the same mistakes.
But I'll get up and keep fighting
I'll get this, no matter how long it takes.
Sometimes it feels like yesterday
Although I know it's been years,
Sometimes I'm strong as I remember you
Other times I fall to my knees in tears.
You'd think it would get easier
They say in time all wounds will heal
But time shows me clearer all I've lost
And again the pain becomes so real.
You left me will a heart so full
The tears are followed by a smile
We'll be together for eternity
In just a little while.
JEM 2/5/03
Carl Miller, you have never left my heart and you never will. Thank you for loving me for every second of the 27 years we had together. I'll see you when I get home.
Can you believe it has been so long?
Six years, how time does fly,
So many questions constantly circle my mind
Although I'm no longer asking "why"?
God had His reasons for calling you home
I can't blame him, that's for sure.
Though I needed you here with me
Perhaps He needed a heart that was pure.
Still I wonder how you are
I'll bet you're still singing every day.
No one louder, no one prouder,
No one to steal your joy away.
I wish one more smile was aimed at me
What I'd give to hold your hand once more,
I'm saving up a special hug
For when I'm at Heaven's door.
Daddy, how much of me can you see?
Do my failures make you cry?
How I long to make you proud,
Do you see how hard I try?
Sometimes I forget the things you taught
And I make the same mistakes.
But I'll get up and keep fighting
I'll get this, no matter how long it takes.
Sometimes it feels like yesterday
Although I know it's been years,
Sometimes I'm strong as I remember you
Other times I fall to my knees in tears.
You'd think it would get easier
They say in time all wounds will heal
But time shows me clearer all I've lost
And again the pain becomes so real.
You left me will a heart so full
The tears are followed by a smile
We'll be together for eternity
In just a little while.
JEM 2/5/03
Carl Miller, you have never left my heart and you never will. Thank you for loving me for every second of the 27 years we had together. I'll see you when I get home.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Love it or list it
Forgive me if this post is a little longer than some...but I promise it's not about my arm!!!
3 years ago Brian and I bought our house. At the time we were house shopping we wanted a bigger yard for our then 2 and 3 year old girls to play. We wanted a manageable mortgage, so we ended up buying a house on the small side. We knew this would be an adjustment in a lot of ways, but decided that the pros outweighed the cons. Our house sits on 2.3 acres just a few miles outside of Warrenton, so we have a little house in the woods, but can still be to the grocery store in less than 5 minutes. It had a play set on the property...bonus. It has a nice fire pit for bonfires and roasting marshmallows....bonus! It has a HUGE over sized garage with a media room above it...BONUS!!! The little house is really charming and cozy, but the kitchen is ridiculously small and the eating area is really cramped. When you walk into the house you walk right into the tiny kitchen, so there is no place to put keys or a purse..and as you can imagine shoes can pile up in a hurry, which I love. (not) The master bedroom is a decent size but there is one tiny closet which doesn't even fit Brian's work clothes...so we have clothes racks in the spare bedroom for his extra clothes and all of mine.
When we first moved in we were just so excited to be in "our" house again. It took a little living for the problems to show themselves. The tiny kitchen soon became a real pain. The counters were always full of things because there was simply no room for anything. Walking in the door with groceries and tripping over shoes got old really quickly. Trying to make a piece of toast was a process because it required more than a little rearranging of "stuff". Making a meal was a huge production and always resulted in disappointment because there was no room for little "helpers" at all. I was constantly tripping over a child, a cat, a husband or myself. It was next to impossible to keep the kitchen floor clean because we have a gravel driveway and of course when it's rainy or snowy it's muddy...so even though shoes came off there was often a big smear of mud in front of the door. Cleaning it up was easy....but only lasted until the next person came into the door.
Fast forward 2.5 years. I was in all honesty done with the house. Tired of being so cramped in the spaces that we used the most. Tired of a yard that required so much to keep up. With Brian having a lengthy commute you can imagine how excited he was to come home and spend an entire weekend mowing and weed whacking. I was ready to move. I was more than vocal about my frustrations and after a while either Brian was feeling the same frustrations or he was really tired of hearing from me, because he was ready to move too.
We decided that moving was the plan. I started looking around at houses (being a real estate appraiser for 12 years, this was really fun for me) We packed up 3/4 of our things in preparation for putting the house on the market. We cleaned, we buffed, we shined, we painted and we were ready. At the same time, I was becoming more interested in a show on HGTV called "love it or list it". I was amazed at the transformations. These houses that clearly did not work and were not functional were suddenly the perfect home for these families. It just took a little work and some imagination. I pitched the idea of fixing up our house to Brian with a hesitant "what if". Honestly, I was not convinced I wanted to stay. My idea was met with a big fat "no way!". We had looked at a few homes and we did find what we thought was the perfect home for us. It was bigger, it was better, nice neighborhood, good schools, the house backed to open space. It was easy to fall in love with the house when we were living in a house of frustration. We were both in love with the possibility of this new house. We could both see ourselves there. The only problem was that bigger and better comes at a price. Bigger house = bigger mortgage. Since I do the bills, I sat down and worked some numbers. Could we afford it? Well....yes....but we wouldn't have a lot left over for many extras. Without a doubt the house was beautiful, but was it worth it? As intoxicated as I was with the house I started to get a little concerned. I soon realized that my "concern" was God tapping me on the shoulder telling me to slow down.
We had a contractor at the house fixing up a few little things and I had a few conversations about what it would take to make the kitchen functional. I made some phone calls about construction loans, refinances, equity loans, etc. After slowing down a little Brian and I both came to the realization that maybe this house COULD work for us.
If I am standing in my kitchen refusing to look at anything but the kitchen that I know full well doesn't work of course I'm going to be frustrated and dissatisfied. No one would argue that it is tiny and doesn't work for a family of 5. However....when I go out to my beautiful office that looks out to my beautiful bird garden I can see that there are some really great things about our house. There IS a lot to love about our house, but we were so focused on what didn't work we couldn't appreciate what did work. Tear down a few walls and fix what is broken and we will have a new house.
Marriage: Love him or ditch him
(Let me be clear...I am not thinking about ditching my husband....this is just to go along with the title.) Brian and I have been married for almost 9 years. We have a good marriage, but we have a "tiny kitchen" area of our marriage that simply doesn't work. To be honest it's frustrating to both of us. Just like the tiny kitchen in my house, if I focus only on the "tiny kitchen" in our relationship I will because frustrated and dissatisfied, and so would Brian. There have been times when I have focused solely on it, and it's not fun. Where's the hope in that? Do I ditch my marriage because a part of it isn't working properly? Well, some do. They find a new (seemingly) beautiful bigger better house and jump at it thinking the problems will be in the past, but at what price? Bigger better houses have problems too. All houses have problems. They need to be maintained or the problems get bigger. Marriages have problems. They need to be maintained or the problems get bigger. Brian and I have a "tiny kitchen", but beyond that there is so much to love. What will it take to fix it? Well, some walls need to be torn down between us too. We probably need to check our foundation and make sure it is solid and build from there. Our "tiny kitchen" can be fixed, but it will require both of us picking up a hammer and being willing to tear down some walls that are keeping our marriage from functioning as it should.
Our house is not fixed yet, but today when I pull up to my house I can't wait to go inside. I know what it can and will be and I'm excited about the transformation. It will take some time and effort, and I'm sure the demolition will not be fun, but it's necessary to get the results we want. Brian and I are not fixed yet either, but I look at our marriage with affection and love because I know what it can and will be and I'm excited about the transformation. Fixing us will take some time and effort too, and I'm sure some demolition needs to take place that won't be fun, but this is also necessary to get the results we want. I'm not giving up on my house, and I'm not giving up on my marriage. I'm gonna love them both on purpose.
3 years ago Brian and I bought our house. At the time we were house shopping we wanted a bigger yard for our then 2 and 3 year old girls to play. We wanted a manageable mortgage, so we ended up buying a house on the small side. We knew this would be an adjustment in a lot of ways, but decided that the pros outweighed the cons. Our house sits on 2.3 acres just a few miles outside of Warrenton, so we have a little house in the woods, but can still be to the grocery store in less than 5 minutes. It had a play set on the property...bonus. It has a nice fire pit for bonfires and roasting marshmallows....bonus! It has a HUGE over sized garage with a media room above it...BONUS!!! The little house is really charming and cozy, but the kitchen is ridiculously small and the eating area is really cramped. When you walk into the house you walk right into the tiny kitchen, so there is no place to put keys or a purse..and as you can imagine shoes can pile up in a hurry, which I love. (not) The master bedroom is a decent size but there is one tiny closet which doesn't even fit Brian's work clothes...so we have clothes racks in the spare bedroom for his extra clothes and all of mine.
When we first moved in we were just so excited to be in "our" house again. It took a little living for the problems to show themselves. The tiny kitchen soon became a real pain. The counters were always full of things because there was simply no room for anything. Walking in the door with groceries and tripping over shoes got old really quickly. Trying to make a piece of toast was a process because it required more than a little rearranging of "stuff". Making a meal was a huge production and always resulted in disappointment because there was no room for little "helpers" at all. I was constantly tripping over a child, a cat, a husband or myself. It was next to impossible to keep the kitchen floor clean because we have a gravel driveway and of course when it's rainy or snowy it's muddy...so even though shoes came off there was often a big smear of mud in front of the door. Cleaning it up was easy....but only lasted until the next person came into the door.
Fast forward 2.5 years. I was in all honesty done with the house. Tired of being so cramped in the spaces that we used the most. Tired of a yard that required so much to keep up. With Brian having a lengthy commute you can imagine how excited he was to come home and spend an entire weekend mowing and weed whacking. I was ready to move. I was more than vocal about my frustrations and after a while either Brian was feeling the same frustrations or he was really tired of hearing from me, because he was ready to move too.
We decided that moving was the plan. I started looking around at houses (being a real estate appraiser for 12 years, this was really fun for me) We packed up 3/4 of our things in preparation for putting the house on the market. We cleaned, we buffed, we shined, we painted and we were ready. At the same time, I was becoming more interested in a show on HGTV called "love it or list it". I was amazed at the transformations. These houses that clearly did not work and were not functional were suddenly the perfect home for these families. It just took a little work and some imagination. I pitched the idea of fixing up our house to Brian with a hesitant "what if". Honestly, I was not convinced I wanted to stay. My idea was met with a big fat "no way!". We had looked at a few homes and we did find what we thought was the perfect home for us. It was bigger, it was better, nice neighborhood, good schools, the house backed to open space. It was easy to fall in love with the house when we were living in a house of frustration. We were both in love with the possibility of this new house. We could both see ourselves there. The only problem was that bigger and better comes at a price. Bigger house = bigger mortgage. Since I do the bills, I sat down and worked some numbers. Could we afford it? Well....yes....but we wouldn't have a lot left over for many extras. Without a doubt the house was beautiful, but was it worth it? As intoxicated as I was with the house I started to get a little concerned. I soon realized that my "concern" was God tapping me on the shoulder telling me to slow down.
We had a contractor at the house fixing up a few little things and I had a few conversations about what it would take to make the kitchen functional. I made some phone calls about construction loans, refinances, equity loans, etc. After slowing down a little Brian and I both came to the realization that maybe this house COULD work for us.
If I am standing in my kitchen refusing to look at anything but the kitchen that I know full well doesn't work of course I'm going to be frustrated and dissatisfied. No one would argue that it is tiny and doesn't work for a family of 5. However....when I go out to my beautiful office that looks out to my beautiful bird garden I can see that there are some really great things about our house. There IS a lot to love about our house, but we were so focused on what didn't work we couldn't appreciate what did work. Tear down a few walls and fix what is broken and we will have a new house.
Marriage: Love him or ditch him
(Let me be clear...I am not thinking about ditching my husband....this is just to go along with the title.) Brian and I have been married for almost 9 years. We have a good marriage, but we have a "tiny kitchen" area of our marriage that simply doesn't work. To be honest it's frustrating to both of us. Just like the tiny kitchen in my house, if I focus only on the "tiny kitchen" in our relationship I will because frustrated and dissatisfied, and so would Brian. There have been times when I have focused solely on it, and it's not fun. Where's the hope in that? Do I ditch my marriage because a part of it isn't working properly? Well, some do. They find a new (seemingly) beautiful bigger better house and jump at it thinking the problems will be in the past, but at what price? Bigger better houses have problems too. All houses have problems. They need to be maintained or the problems get bigger. Marriages have problems. They need to be maintained or the problems get bigger. Brian and I have a "tiny kitchen", but beyond that there is so much to love. What will it take to fix it? Well, some walls need to be torn down between us too. We probably need to check our foundation and make sure it is solid and build from there. Our "tiny kitchen" can be fixed, but it will require both of us picking up a hammer and being willing to tear down some walls that are keeping our marriage from functioning as it should.
Our house is not fixed yet, but today when I pull up to my house I can't wait to go inside. I know what it can and will be and I'm excited about the transformation. It will take some time and effort, and I'm sure the demolition will not be fun, but it's necessary to get the results we want. Brian and I are not fixed yet either, but I look at our marriage with affection and love because I know what it can and will be and I'm excited about the transformation. Fixing us will take some time and effort too, and I'm sure some demolition needs to take place that won't be fun, but this is also necessary to get the results we want. I'm not giving up on my house, and I'm not giving up on my marriage. I'm gonna love them both on purpose.
Monday, June 9, 2014
Lions and Tigers and BEARS, OH MY!!!
True story. Last Saturday late afternoon my stepson and his friend were playing video games in the basement when they looked out the window and saw a huge black bear walking past heading for my bird feeders. Being a teenagers dream come true, they chased him away. It made their day for sure. LB told me about the bear and said that it was big. In my mind I thought for sure he was exaggerating, you know, sort of like a fish story.
4 days later I was heading to my office, which is about 20 feet from the house, and I saw what I assume was the same bear in my bird garden and he WAS huge. My girls were outside playing in the same area about 30 minutes before this....so I was not happy. I turned all Mama grizzly on big blacky. I started waving my one arm that I COULD flap like crazy and started yelling at him to get out of my yard. He lumbered off to the side of the yard and stopped. That was not good enough for me. I wanted him gone, so what was I to do? I chased him of course. He must have decided not to mess with the one armed crazy lady with the big mouth, because he ran off into the woods.
Yesterday I was enjoying a cup of coffee watching my little birds. Knowing that there is a big bear eyeing my feeders wasn't going to keep me from my favorite spot....but I had my cane by my side, you know, just in case.
Believe it or not, having that cane within arms reach somehow made me feel a little safer out there. How crazy is that? Was a cane REALLY going to protect me from a 400 pound bear if he had his mind made up to cause me harm? Um....no.
Do you REALLY think that that bear was "frightened" by a crazy lady yelling and waving an arm? Ha, well...maybe. Kidding. That bear simply didn't want to deal with me. He just wanted a snack and wasn't looking for any trouble. If he wanted to harm me all he had to do was turn around towards me instead of into the woods and I would have been a scooby snack. I wouldn't have stood a chance. I was defenseless. I'm weak...I only have one arm working and he wouldn't have to be a bear to be faster than me.
I chased a bear out of my yard. Yes. That is true...but I know that probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. I don't suddenly believe I have the ability to stand up to bears.
Being the thinky mom that I can be, this got me to thinking. You know....Satan can be a lot like that bear. Sometimes he will "give" us a few victories so that we are under the illusion that we have the strength to fight against him alone. He deceives us into thinking we can handle things on our own without reinforcements. Know what he does then? Instead of running into the woods he runs toward us and we are toast. Yup. On our own we don't stand a chance.
Satan is sneaky and he knows our weaknesses. He studies us and knows exactly where and when to strike. The great thing is that we NEVER have to go into battle alone. We have the full armor of God available to us at all times, 24/7. Satan might be brave enough to fight a one armed crazy lady with a big mouth, but even he knows better than to mess with the Almighty.
If you are going up against a bear, don't take a cane. If you are going up against Satan, take the LORD and let him go to battle for you.
"Put on the whole armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."
Ephesians 6:11
"Who is this King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle."
Psalm 24:8
4 days later I was heading to my office, which is about 20 feet from the house, and I saw what I assume was the same bear in my bird garden and he WAS huge. My girls were outside playing in the same area about 30 minutes before this....so I was not happy. I turned all Mama grizzly on big blacky. I started waving my one arm that I COULD flap like crazy and started yelling at him to get out of my yard. He lumbered off to the side of the yard and stopped. That was not good enough for me. I wanted him gone, so what was I to do? I chased him of course. He must have decided not to mess with the one armed crazy lady with the big mouth, because he ran off into the woods.
Yesterday I was enjoying a cup of coffee watching my little birds. Knowing that there is a big bear eyeing my feeders wasn't going to keep me from my favorite spot....but I had my cane by my side, you know, just in case.
Believe it or not, having that cane within arms reach somehow made me feel a little safer out there. How crazy is that? Was a cane REALLY going to protect me from a 400 pound bear if he had his mind made up to cause me harm? Um....no.
Do you REALLY think that that bear was "frightened" by a crazy lady yelling and waving an arm? Ha, well...maybe. Kidding. That bear simply didn't want to deal with me. He just wanted a snack and wasn't looking for any trouble. If he wanted to harm me all he had to do was turn around towards me instead of into the woods and I would have been a scooby snack. I wouldn't have stood a chance. I was defenseless. I'm weak...I only have one arm working and he wouldn't have to be a bear to be faster than me.
I chased a bear out of my yard. Yes. That is true...but I know that probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. I don't suddenly believe I have the ability to stand up to bears.
Being the thinky mom that I can be, this got me to thinking. You know....Satan can be a lot like that bear. Sometimes he will "give" us a few victories so that we are under the illusion that we have the strength to fight against him alone. He deceives us into thinking we can handle things on our own without reinforcements. Know what he does then? Instead of running into the woods he runs toward us and we are toast. Yup. On our own we don't stand a chance.
Satan is sneaky and he knows our weaknesses. He studies us and knows exactly where and when to strike. The great thing is that we NEVER have to go into battle alone. We have the full armor of God available to us at all times, 24/7. Satan might be brave enough to fight a one armed crazy lady with a big mouth, but even he knows better than to mess with the Almighty.
If you are going up against a bear, don't take a cane. If you are going up against Satan, take the LORD and let him go to battle for you.
"Put on the whole armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."
Ephesians 6:11
"Who is this King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle."
Psalm 24:8
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Believing in the Healing
If you have read any of my previous posts you know that 2 weeks ago I had surgery on my shoulder to regain motion in my shoulder and to clean it up to stop the pain I was having. I'm still healing, but last night I took a shower and washed my hair and was able to lift my right shoulder up to lather my hair without yelps of pain for the first time in months. Progress is definitely being made. I was at the park yesterday and was stretching on a picnic bench and was lifting and stretching my arms over my head and though my right arm went further than it has in months it wasn't even close to the range of my left arm. I am, however, hopeful and very thankful that although I am still having pain it is a different pain. It's the pain that you just know accompanies healing. It's a good pain.
For months I was tip-toeing through the house praying that the wall wouldn't jump out in front of me, because a little bump into the wall would send me to the floor in excruciating pain. I spent the winter PRAYING that I wouldn't slip on the ice knowing that if I went down and tried to catch myself with my right arm I would rip something for sure. In time I learned a host of "defense mechanisms" to ensure that I didn't drop to the floor in pain. I learned creative ways to get dressed....creative ways to wash my hair, creative ways to close the van door, and believe it or not creative ways to turn the steering wheel with one arm.
Although I am still healing, my shoulder is WORLDS better than it was. A bump into the wall is just a bump into the wall. I can shut the van door with my right arm and can almost carry my purse with my right arm! Woohoo!!! (it's the small victories people) There has been some serious healing.
Do you want to know what is sad? I'm realizing that I'm still going around as if I'm still as fragile as before. My girls come running to me to sit next to me on the couch and my left arm flies over to protect my right arm without hesitation. Brian hugs me and I'm tensed up because he touched my right shoulder. I'm extremely anxious in a group of people worried that someone might nudge my shoulder. I know that I'm not in the same place as I was before the surgery, but I'm not acting like it.
This made me think of other ways that I have been healed and haven't acted like it. Through my life I have had several less than glowing moments. I've made mistakes and like most everyone I have some regrets. There are a few things that come to mind that I know that I asked God's forgiveness for, and in my head I know that he forgave me, but in my heart it didn't really sink in. In my younger years I spent so much time beating myself up for mistakes I made simply refusing to forgive myself. I've matured in my relationship with God and this isn't as much as an issue now, but oh the time and energy I wasted beating myself down for things that God had long forgotten.
The lesson here is that healing is one thing...BELIEVING in the healing is another. When healing has taken place we need to live like it. I need to live like it. When forgiveness has taken place we need to live IN that. Jesus didn't die on the cross for our sins just for us to continue to carry them around. He died so that HE could carry them. Jesus died so that we can be free...how it must hurt Him to watch us walk around carrying burdens that He has already taken care of.
Let's believe in the healing.
For months I was tip-toeing through the house praying that the wall wouldn't jump out in front of me, because a little bump into the wall would send me to the floor in excruciating pain. I spent the winter PRAYING that I wouldn't slip on the ice knowing that if I went down and tried to catch myself with my right arm I would rip something for sure. In time I learned a host of "defense mechanisms" to ensure that I didn't drop to the floor in pain. I learned creative ways to get dressed....creative ways to wash my hair, creative ways to close the van door, and believe it or not creative ways to turn the steering wheel with one arm.
Although I am still healing, my shoulder is WORLDS better than it was. A bump into the wall is just a bump into the wall. I can shut the van door with my right arm and can almost carry my purse with my right arm! Woohoo!!! (it's the small victories people) There has been some serious healing.
Do you want to know what is sad? I'm realizing that I'm still going around as if I'm still as fragile as before. My girls come running to me to sit next to me on the couch and my left arm flies over to protect my right arm without hesitation. Brian hugs me and I'm tensed up because he touched my right shoulder. I'm extremely anxious in a group of people worried that someone might nudge my shoulder. I know that I'm not in the same place as I was before the surgery, but I'm not acting like it.
This made me think of other ways that I have been healed and haven't acted like it. Through my life I have had several less than glowing moments. I've made mistakes and like most everyone I have some regrets. There are a few things that come to mind that I know that I asked God's forgiveness for, and in my head I know that he forgave me, but in my heart it didn't really sink in. In my younger years I spent so much time beating myself up for mistakes I made simply refusing to forgive myself. I've matured in my relationship with God and this isn't as much as an issue now, but oh the time and energy I wasted beating myself down for things that God had long forgotten.
The lesson here is that healing is one thing...BELIEVING in the healing is another. When healing has taken place we need to live like it. I need to live like it. When forgiveness has taken place we need to live IN that. Jesus didn't die on the cross for our sins just for us to continue to carry them around. He died so that HE could carry them. Jesus died so that we can be free...how it must hurt Him to watch us walk around carrying burdens that He has already taken care of.
Let's believe in the healing.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Whiplash
When I hear the word "whiplash" I immediately think of a car accident and of course picture that infamous neck brace that you see in almost every comedy movie of the 80's. I've never really thought of whiplash as anything but a physical ailment.
I have recently discovered another kind of whiplash. Emotional whiplash. I've never heard the term, but I won't claim to have "discovered" it. It all began about 1 1/2 years ago. After months of mounting frustrations at work, Brian decided it was time to begin searching for a new job. We discussed this at length weighing the pros and cons trying to decide what was best for our family. After much prayer we were at peace with searching and even went so far as to open the search to a move out of state. We decided that we would open up the doors and see what God brought us to. Anyone involved in a job search knows that most of the time it is not a quick process and there are usually a lot of "possibilities" that end up going nowhere. As Brian searched and headhunters would come to him with prospects he would run them past me. If it was an area I wasn't familiar with I would research the area and schools and try to get a feel for the area. (this resulted in geographical whiplash. That one I will claim as my discovery) I researched areas of California, Colorado, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Michigan, Arkansas, Texas, and New Mexico and those are just the ones I can recall. It was exhausting. A few prospects were looking really good, so I would mentally prepare myself for the phone call that I needed to start packing. It was exhausting. Whiplash.
Fast forward....Brian was blessed with a fabulous job working with some great guys that he knew well and his commute was cut almost in half. After all the searching God had a place for us right where we stood. This brought another decision. House. We bought a small house 3 years ago and limited space has brought frustrations beyond words. Do we move? Do we stay? We decided to move. We packed up 3/4 of our belongings, prepped the house to list and right before pulling the trigger we decided to stay in our small house and add on. It was exhausting. Whiplash.
Marriage. Some days I'm on cloud nine, and other days the frustrations mount. Welcome to a relationship, right? Two imperfect people that are innately selfish trying to coexist can bring on some trials. It is at times exhausting. Whiplash.
A ridiculous shoulder injury from a wiffle ball competition got progressively worse resulting in a lot of pain. Cortisone shot...relief. Cortisone shot wears off....more pain. Surgery....ouch. Percoset...AAAHHHH. Physical therapy...OUCH!!!! It is exhausting. Whiplash.
This past week I have gone to physical therapy all week and twice I have broken down in tears. Why? I'm exhausted. I think it has all caught up with me and I'm just a little raw and vulnerable and frankly really tired of pain. It has made me think about the fact that if we are depending on a job, a spouse, a friendship, or even ourselves for "stability" we will most likely end up with some degree of whiplash. Things change, people disappoint us, we let ourselves down, tragedies occur.
Jesus Christ is the one and only thing in this life that is unchanging. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. In the storms of life He is the anchor. If we are clinging to Christ we can roll with the punches and He will carry us when we don't have the strength to go on. That is a promise he made to us. We will all have struggles and some of us have unfathomable circumstances to endure. Jesus is there to comfort us and bring us peace in the little struggles and in the big ones. One of my favorite thoughts is that if it matters to me, it matters to Him.
Life sometimes results in whiplash. Jesus is the Biofreeze. Let Him sooth and heal.
I have recently discovered another kind of whiplash. Emotional whiplash. I've never heard the term, but I won't claim to have "discovered" it. It all began about 1 1/2 years ago. After months of mounting frustrations at work, Brian decided it was time to begin searching for a new job. We discussed this at length weighing the pros and cons trying to decide what was best for our family. After much prayer we were at peace with searching and even went so far as to open the search to a move out of state. We decided that we would open up the doors and see what God brought us to. Anyone involved in a job search knows that most of the time it is not a quick process and there are usually a lot of "possibilities" that end up going nowhere. As Brian searched and headhunters would come to him with prospects he would run them past me. If it was an area I wasn't familiar with I would research the area and schools and try to get a feel for the area. (this resulted in geographical whiplash. That one I will claim as my discovery) I researched areas of California, Colorado, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Michigan, Arkansas, Texas, and New Mexico and those are just the ones I can recall. It was exhausting. A few prospects were looking really good, so I would mentally prepare myself for the phone call that I needed to start packing. It was exhausting. Whiplash.
Fast forward....Brian was blessed with a fabulous job working with some great guys that he knew well and his commute was cut almost in half. After all the searching God had a place for us right where we stood. This brought another decision. House. We bought a small house 3 years ago and limited space has brought frustrations beyond words. Do we move? Do we stay? We decided to move. We packed up 3/4 of our belongings, prepped the house to list and right before pulling the trigger we decided to stay in our small house and add on. It was exhausting. Whiplash.
Marriage. Some days I'm on cloud nine, and other days the frustrations mount. Welcome to a relationship, right? Two imperfect people that are innately selfish trying to coexist can bring on some trials. It is at times exhausting. Whiplash.
A ridiculous shoulder injury from a wiffle ball competition got progressively worse resulting in a lot of pain. Cortisone shot...relief. Cortisone shot wears off....more pain. Surgery....ouch. Percoset...AAAHHHH. Physical therapy...OUCH!!!! It is exhausting. Whiplash.
This past week I have gone to physical therapy all week and twice I have broken down in tears. Why? I'm exhausted. I think it has all caught up with me and I'm just a little raw and vulnerable and frankly really tired of pain. It has made me think about the fact that if we are depending on a job, a spouse, a friendship, or even ourselves for "stability" we will most likely end up with some degree of whiplash. Things change, people disappoint us, we let ourselves down, tragedies occur.
Jesus Christ is the one and only thing in this life that is unchanging. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. In the storms of life He is the anchor. If we are clinging to Christ we can roll with the punches and He will carry us when we don't have the strength to go on. That is a promise he made to us. We will all have struggles and some of us have unfathomable circumstances to endure. Jesus is there to comfort us and bring us peace in the little struggles and in the big ones. One of my favorite thoughts is that if it matters to me, it matters to Him.
Life sometimes results in whiplash. Jesus is the Biofreeze. Let Him sooth and heal.
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