Love it or list it

Forgive me if this post is a little longer than some...but I promise it's not about my arm!!!  

3 years ago Brian and I bought our house.  At the time we were house shopping we wanted a bigger yard for our then 2 and 3 year old girls to play. We wanted a manageable mortgage, so we ended up buying a house on the small side.  We knew this would be an adjustment in a lot of ways, but decided that the pros outweighed the cons.  Our house sits on 2.3 acres just a few miles outside of Warrenton, so we have a little house in the woods, but can still be to the grocery store in less than 5 minutes.  It had a play set on the property...bonus.  It has a nice fire pit for bonfires and roasting marshmallows....bonus!  It has a HUGE over sized garage with a media room above it...BONUS!!!  The little house is really charming and cozy, but the kitchen is ridiculously small and the eating area is really cramped.  When you walk into the house you walk right into the tiny kitchen, so there is no place to put keys or a purse..and as you can imagine shoes can pile up in a hurry, which I love.  (not)  The master bedroom is a decent size but there is one tiny closet which doesn't even fit Brian's work clothes...so we have clothes racks in the spare bedroom for his extra clothes and all of mine.  

When we first moved in we were just so excited to be in "our" house again.  It took a little living for the problems to show themselves.  The tiny kitchen soon became a real pain.  The counters were always full of things because there was simply no room for anything.  Walking in the door with groceries and tripping over shoes got old really quickly.  Trying to make a piece of toast was a process because it required more than a little rearranging of "stuff".   Making a meal was a huge production and always resulted in disappointment because there was no room for little "helpers" at all.  I was constantly tripping over a child, a cat, a husband or myself.   It was next to impossible to keep the kitchen floor clean because we have a gravel driveway and of course when it's rainy or snowy it's muddy...so even though shoes came off there was often a big smear of mud in front of the door.  Cleaning it up was easy....but only lasted until the next person came into the door.  

Fast forward 2.5 years.  I was in all honesty done with the house.  Tired of being so cramped in the spaces that we used the most.  Tired of a yard that required so much to keep up.  With Brian having a lengthy commute you can imagine how excited he was to come home and spend an entire weekend mowing and weed whacking.   I was ready to move.  I was more than vocal about my frustrations and after a while either Brian was feeling the same frustrations or he was really tired of hearing from me, because he was ready to move too.  

We decided that moving was the plan.  I started looking around at houses (being a real estate appraiser for 12 years, this was really fun for me)  We packed up 3/4 of our things in preparation for putting the house on the market.  We cleaned, we buffed, we shined, we painted and we were ready.  At the same time, I was becoming more interested in a show on HGTV called "love it or list it".  I was amazed at the transformations.  These houses that clearly did not work and were not functional were suddenly the perfect home for these families.  It just took a little work and some imagination.  I pitched the idea of fixing up our house to Brian with a hesitant "what if".  Honestly, I was not convinced I wanted to stay.  My idea was met with a big fat "no way!".   We had looked at a few homes and we did find what we thought was the perfect home for us.  It was bigger, it was better, nice neighborhood, good schools, the house backed to open space.  It was easy to fall in love with the house when we were living in a house of frustration.  We were both in love with the possibility of this new house.  We could both see ourselves there.  The only problem was that bigger and better comes at a price.  Bigger house = bigger mortgage.  Since I do the bills, I sat down and worked some numbers.  Could we afford it?  Well....yes....but we wouldn't have a lot left over for many extras.  Without a doubt the house was beautiful, but was it worth it?  As intoxicated as I was with the house I started to get a little concerned.  I soon realized that my "concern" was God tapping me on the shoulder telling me to slow down.

We had a contractor at the house fixing up a few little things and I had a few conversations about what it would take to make the kitchen functional.  I made some phone calls about construction loans, refinances, equity loans, etc.  After slowing down a little Brian and I both came to the realization that maybe this house COULD work for us.  

If I am standing in my kitchen refusing to look at anything but the kitchen that I know full well doesn't work of course I'm going to be frustrated and dissatisfied.  No one would argue that it is tiny and doesn't work for a family of 5.  However....when I go out to my beautiful office that looks out to my beautiful bird garden I can see that there are some really great things about our house.  There IS a lot to love about our house, but we were so focused on what didn't work we couldn't appreciate what did work.  Tear down a few walls and fix what is broken and we will have a new house.

Marriage:  Love him or ditch him

(Let me be clear...I am not thinking about ditching my husband....this is just to go along with the title.)   Brian and I have been married for almost 9 years. We have a good marriage, but we have a "tiny kitchen" area of our marriage that simply doesn't work.  To be honest it's frustrating to both of us.  Just like the tiny kitchen in my house, if I focus only on the "tiny kitchen" in our relationship I will because frustrated and dissatisfied, and so would Brian. There have been times when I have focused solely on it, and it's not fun. Where's the hope in that?  Do I ditch my marriage because a part of it isn't working properly?  Well, some do. They find a new (seemingly) beautiful bigger better house and jump at it thinking the problems will be in the past, but at what price?  Bigger better houses have problems too.  All houses have problems.  They need to be maintained or the problems get bigger. Marriages have problems.  They need to be maintained or the problems get bigger. Brian and I have a "tiny kitchen", but beyond that there is so much to love.  What will it take to fix it?  Well, some walls need to be torn down between us too.  We probably need to check our foundation and make sure it is solid and build from there.   Our "tiny kitchen" can be fixed, but it will require both of us picking up a hammer and being willing to tear down some walls that are keeping our marriage from functioning as it should. 

Our house is not fixed yet, but today when I pull up to my house I can't wait to go inside.  I know what it can and will be and I'm excited about the transformation.  It will take some time and effort, and I'm sure the demolition will not be fun, but it's necessary to get the results we want.  Brian and I are not fixed yet either, but I look at our marriage with affection and love because I know what it can and will be and I'm excited about the transformation.  Fixing us will take some time and effort too, and I'm sure some demolition needs to take place that won't be fun, but this is also necessary to get the results we want.  I'm not giving up on my house, and I'm not giving up on my marriage.   I'm gonna love them both on purpose.