Believing in the Healing

If you have read any of my previous posts you know that 2 weeks ago I had surgery on my shoulder to regain motion in my shoulder and to clean it up to stop the pain I was having.  I'm still healing, but last night I took a shower and washed my hair and was able to lift my right shoulder up to lather my hair without yelps of pain for the first time in months.  Progress is definitely being made.  I was at the park yesterday and was stretching on a picnic bench and was lifting and stretching my arms over my head and though my right arm went further than it has in months it wasn't even close to the range of my left arm.  I am, however, hopeful and very thankful that although I am still having pain it is a different pain.  It's the pain that you just know accompanies healing.  It's a good pain.  

For months I was tip-toeing through the house praying that the wall wouldn't jump out in front of me, because a little bump into the wall would send me to the floor in excruciating pain.  I spent the winter PRAYING that I wouldn't slip on the ice knowing that if I went down and tried to catch myself with my right arm I would rip something for sure.  In time I learned a host of "defense mechanisms" to ensure that I didn't drop to the floor in pain.  I learned creative ways to get dressed....creative ways to wash my hair, creative ways to close the van door, and believe it or not creative ways to turn the steering wheel with one arm.  

Although I am still healing, my shoulder is WORLDS better than it was.  A bump into the wall is just a bump into the wall.  I can shut the van door with my right arm and can almost carry my purse with my right arm!  Woohoo!!! (it's the small victories people)  There has been some serious healing.

Do you want to know what is sad?  I'm realizing that I'm still going around as if I'm still as fragile as before.  My girls come running to me to sit next to me on the couch and my left arm flies over to protect my right arm without hesitation.  Brian hugs me and I'm tensed up because he touched my right shoulder.  I'm extremely anxious in a group of people worried that someone might nudge my shoulder.  I know that I'm not in the same place as I was before the surgery, but I'm not acting like it.

This made me think of other ways that I have been healed and haven't acted like it.  Through my life I have had several less than glowing moments.  I've made mistakes and like most everyone I have some regrets.  There are a few things that come to mind that I know that I asked God's forgiveness for, and in my head I know that he forgave me, but in my heart it didn't really sink in. In my younger years I spent so much time beating myself up for mistakes I made simply refusing to forgive myself.  I've matured in my relationship with God and this isn't as much as an issue now, but oh the time and energy I wasted beating myself down for things that God had long forgotten.  

The lesson here is that healing is one thing...BELIEVING in the healing is another.  When healing has taken place we need to live like it.  I need to live like it.  When forgiveness has taken place we need to live IN that.  Jesus didn't die on the cross for our sins just for us to continue to carry them around.  He died so that HE could carry them.   Jesus died so that we can be free...how it must hurt Him to watch us walk around carrying burdens that He has already taken care of.  

Let's believe in the healing.