Bye bye Ben!!! Adios Jerry!!

Brian and I have a 20 year old living with us for a while.  Her name is Ariel and she is as beautiful as a Disney princess, although I think she resembles Rapunzel a bit more with her really long flowing blond hair.  Like any 20 year old she still has a whole lot of life lessons ahead of her, but she is surprisingly wise for her years.  She will go far once she figures out what directions she's going in.  I enjoy her company and conversation and it's awesome that she's a coffee freak like me; we have savored many a cup together.  The other passion we share is ice cream.  She loves ice cream as much as me and we have savored many a pint together.  There is a problem, however....she's 20 and I'm one day away from being 42.  She sucks down a pint and flits around just as petite as ever while I'm now flopping around the floor like a trout out of water trying to button my jeans.  


Here's the thing.  I'm not 20 anymore.  I can't eat ice cream 3 days week like she can.  I can't eat an entire pizza anymore.  In addition to the food restrictions I now have to adhere to, there are other things I can't do anymore.  I can't stay up until 5:00 am and expect to function the next day.   I can't run 4 miles in a row and have use of my legs.  I can't write a paper for a class starting it the night before it is due and expect to finish it.   I can't decide I want to lose 5 pounds have the goal accomplished in 2 days.  If I want to go home to visit family in New York I can't work an 8 hour day and then head out for a 7 hour road trip and expect to stay awake.   Yes, 22 years later there are many things I can no longer do.  


Am I sad about these things?  Well, admittedly the ice cream is a bummer, and it would be nice to lose 5 or 10 pounds with a little less effort, but if I'm being honest I'm sure dropping a few pounds would be much easier sans the ice cream.  Overall though, the answer to whether or not I'm sad about the things I can't do is a resounding no.


Take a look at what I can do now at 42!!!  I can look in the mirror at my flaws and imperfections and accept them (most days) and not compare myself to a magazine cover.  I can choose my friends wisely and not have to be liked by everyone that crosses my path.  I can hear a criticism and not be crushed by it but rather look inside myself to see if there is truth and be a better person because of it.  I can be in a big girl relationship and not sabotage it out of fear of rejection.  I can be alone and like it.  I don't spend hours doing my best to look beautiful in attempt to get strangers to admire the outside of me.  I consider it a great compliment when someone says something nice about my character instead of a body part.  I'd rather have relationships than "stuff".  I can accept that my body will never look like it once did and be totally okay with it because I get to enjoy the blessing of being able to give birth to two healthy little girls.  I can look back at my childhood and see the things my parents did right and not just the things they did wrong.  I can finally wholeheartedly FORGIVE them for what they were not and just love them for what they were.  The best thing of all that I can do at 42?  I can forgive myself for the things I have done wrong and for what I am not and just love what God has made me to be.   Certainly I don't do all these things perfectly on all days, but I'll take the peace of 42 over the chaos of 20 any day of the week.  I enjoyed my 20's and am thankful for all the experiences that I had because without them I wouldn't have all these "skills" at 42.  


I am learning to  thoroughly enjoy the journey.  I'm learning to respect where I am.  I will continue to enjoy the company of my young friend and pray that our relationship continues to be mutually beneficial.  There is so much we can learn from each other....maybe without the ice cream.