Training a Child

I'll start by saying that this post may be a bit controversial.  Obviously a blog is simply one person sharing their own feelings and/or perspectives on things.  I don't claim to be a Bible scholar, or a psychologist or an authority on any matter.  I am on a journey like we all are and learning along the way and have just chosen to share some of my experiences.  I have no illusion of everyone shaking their head in agreement with me and always welcome comments reflecting a differing perspective. Part of learning is listening and understanding other opinions.  


Anyway.  When I was pregnant with Haylee I had nine months to anticipate her arrival.  When you have a little newborn you have the luxury of being able to dress them exactly the way you want to.  I made it clear at my shower that I didn't want a bunch of princess or diva stuff.  It's just not me and I didn't want to dress her in frilly pink things.  I'm not frilly and I'm not sure I own anything pink. I had this lovely picture of my little Haylee taking Karate classes when she was 3 or 4 and thought it would be great if we could someday even pursue our black belts together!!!   I could dream, right?  


Haylee is now four years old.  She is not in Karate.  She absolutely loves anything pink and frilly. She loves to dance and loves to dress up like a princess.  She loves anything pretty.  She loves Barbie movies.  She loves to comb any one's hair that will let her and she can't get enough of my makeup.  She is all girl.  I wanted to paint her room green...she wanted pink and purple.  She likes to pick out her own clothes and has her own ideas on what she wants to wear.


Two nights ago Haylee crawled into bed with me in the middle of the night.  She loves her mommy and likes to snuggle as close to me as she can.  She also likes to grab my hand and either hold my hand against her head and sleep on my hand or she holds it on her chest and gets upset if I move it.  This night she placed my hand across her chest and I could feel her precious little heart just beating away.  For whatever reason even though I was half asleep I smiled and started thinking about how she was literally a part of me for 9 months and she will always be a part of me, but as I felt her heart beat I was thinking about how she is her own little person.  God has a purpose and plan that is designed specifically for her and her purpose, I'm sure, has very little to do with what I might think she should be.  


I guess this is where it could get a little controversial.  Brian and I of course have an incredible responsibility to train her and teach her.  It's our job to show her what it means to be a kind, compassionate and loving person.  We need to teach her to be respectful of authority, to be hardworking, dependable, faithful and loyal.  We need to teach her to be a responsible young lady and we need to teach her to love herself exactly the way God made her to be.  I do not believe it is my job to make her or push her into being something that I think she should be.  What kind of parent would I be if a pushed her into a Karate class when she has such a love for dancing?  Why would I force her into a gymnastics class if she loves to play soccer?  Haylee is who she is and of course she can't make all of her own decisions, but I strongly believe that as a parent I have a responsibility to respect her likes and dislikes and allow her to express herself when and where it is appropriate.  Every person deserves respect for the individual that they are and there is no age limit on that. 


I have to tell you...I get a LOT of grief over the princess stuff that Haylee loves so much.  I was SO opposed to it when she was a baby and having the big mouth that I do I was more than a little vocal about it.  I have to just take it...I asked for it!  What can you do?  She may look like me, but my little girl is SO different from me in so many ways.   I have to smile as I watch her discovering what she loves and where her talents lie.   When I look at her little face when she puts on a little princess dress and twirls around I can't help but beam.  I also can't help but hope that she always feels the freedom to be exactly who she is and that she twirls unashamed with joy in 10 or 20  or even 40 years just like she does now.