Going Home Part Two - True Love

Love, love love.  They say love is a mystery, love is blind, love is all you need.  How many songs have been written about it?  How many books are out there claiming to understand it, teaching you how to get it or give it or maybe even how to live without it.  Amazon.com has 252,430 books with the word "love" in the title.  So, if you want some insight you'd better get started on some reading.  There is, however, the cliff note version found in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13.  (sidenote...if you're not one to frequent the Bible I'd encourage you to take a look.  The iPhone might have an app for anything you need, but Jesus has a verse for anything you need....and it's all for free)  If you read 1 Corinthians 13 and chew on it, it really is all you need to know about love.  It tells you what it is and what it isn't and there isn't anything confusing about it.  It's surprisingly simple to understand, but not always the easiest to put into practice.  


This post is on the heels of my previous blog, and let me preface it by saying that I am by no means any sort of expert on the subject of love.  I simply had an "AHA" moment that was accompanied by a bit of clarity and I want to share it it hopes that someone else may have a similar "AHA" moment.  


I went home to see my mother last weekend.  I realized that I had been holding some unforgiveness and judgement in my heart in regards to her and I felt the need to see her and just tell her that I love her.  I came to the realization that the history of my relationship with my mother, despite what it was or wasn't, did not change my responsibility to honor her.  Part of giving honor to her was to simply love her where she was without any expectations attached.   (True love is not self seeking)   I drove the 8+ hours to Upstate NY not knowing how I would find her.  My mother is 84 years old and in a nursing home.  She has good days and bad days.   Days where she is sharp as a tack and days where she is rather confused and may not even know who her loved ones are.  Thankfully when I got to the hospital mom was having a good day.  She knew who I was.  She doesn't hear very well, so communication is difficult and at times even impossible.  Not many words needed to be said though.  I rubbed her arm and held her hand and told her she was a good mom.  I thanked her for being a good mom and told her I loved her.  She heard me and I'm certain she felt my heart.  For perhaps the first time I genuinely loved her. She has difficulty talking plainly, but just as clear as a bell she said, "that's good to hear", and then asked me for a kiss.  With those few words I felt a burden lifted off of me that had me chained down for years.  Releasing HER of the judgement brought freedom to ME.  As I held her hand for a few minutes she looked right into my eyes and I felt love.  I knew in that moment that without a doubt my mother loved me with all she had to give, and who was I to say that was not enough.  


I can't tell you how many times I drove home to NY over the years to show my mother how much I loved her in hopes of getting the same in return.  She doesn't show love in the same way I do, so I was left heartbroken and disappointed every time.  Expectations can be brutal to all parties.   I certainly won't dwell on it, but I can't help but wonder how different things could have been had I simply loved her and left it at that.  True love is not selfish.  It's not looking out for itself.  Loving someone expecting something back is not love.  I have so much to learn about so many things, but I'm thankful that I had a nugget of clarity in my "AHA" moment in time to give my mother something she deserved long ago.  True love.




"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record or wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails."  


1 Corinthians 13: 4-8    


"Honor your father and your mother - which is the first commandment with a promise - that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy a long life on the earth."


Ephesians 6:2-3