Training a Child - take two

I have a great family.  I'm blessed with a husband that loves me like crazy and I'm blessed with a stepson who loves me and I love and I'm blessed with my two little curly girlies.  My family is so supportive of my writing and they really love me to read them my blogs.   LB especially loves it and listens intently to every word as I'm reading...quite impressive for a 16 year old!  It warms my heart that he takes an interest in what I write.  I sure do love that boy.  


Yesterday  I was reading my blog to the family and Haylee loved that it was about her, but she asked me to write about LB and Kerrington.  Here I go.  


This is all about LB.  LB stands for Little Brian.  It's a nickname his mother came up with for him as a baby and it stuck.  Sometimes I look at the handsome strapping almost 17 year old and shake my head thinking about how close I came to possibly missing out on the incredibly blessing that he is to my life.  Big Brian and I met on E-Harmony.   I had been on E-Harmony for a while and it allows you to choose criteria for matching.  On my profile I said that I didn't want to be matched up with anyone divorced and no one with children.   I was 34 years old and I had waited a long time to be with someone and I wanted to be the priority.  I was in a position to make someone number one and I wanted to be number one too.  I was discussing this with my cousin Anya one day.  A tiny bit of background on Anya....she tells it like it is.  What other people think and won't say is exactly what Anya has no problem saying to you.   When I told Anya that someone with a child was not an option for me she told me I was being selfish.  She said that I was great with children and had a lot of love to give and that for me to not share that was selfish.  Well, I had never been called selfish in my life, so clearly she was WRONG in her assessment.   I couldn't stop thinking about what she said to me.  After a few days I was getting a headache from those swirling words echoing in my mind.  Could she possibly be right?  Was I being selfish?  I talked to God about it and said that if there was selfishness in me I wanted to remove it.  I changed my profile and trusted God about it.  I only got one match with a man previously married that had a young son.  I was matched up with a guy named Brian Paap, also affectionately known today as my husband.  


There were times when the "what ifs" threatened to consume me.  What if Brian's ex-wife didn't like me and made our lives miserable.  What if LB didn't like me?  What if he didn't listen to me?  What if he goes through a rebellious stage and I'm powerless to do much about it.  What if he didn't respect me? What if I didn't love him the way I'm supposed to?  What if I'm not patient with him?  What if I'm not a good step-mom?   Admittedly there was some fear and apprehension and for a while I didn't handle it the best way.  Self sabotage was a serious consideration.  I have since learned that any relationship involves risk, and all relationships will disappoint at times.  We are human and sometimes we all do hurtful things.  I'll go out on a limb and say that there is no relationship that doesn't have some moments of pain.  


When Brian and I started dating LB was a puny little blond haired boy with a ton of energy and a crazy need to make ridiculous noises ALL the time!    I have had the privilege of watching this little noise maker grow and learn and struggle and grow some more.  I've watched him as he has struggled to discover who he is and what he likes, what he excels at and what he doesn't.  The best part?  I've watched LB grow into a considerate, gentle, loving, compassionate, funny and happy young man.  He gives the best hugs ever and he's never stingy with them.  He has never been disrespectful to me and though we have our little spats here and there we love each other.  His mother has never been anything but kind to me and has never caused me any problems whatsoever.  I love that she lets me love her son.    I do love him.  He has a section of my heart all to himself and that will never change.  I am honored to be a part of his life and incredibly thankful that my two girls have the best big brother in the world.  


LB is not done exploring who he is.  He'll be 17 soon.  He's just beginning his journey.  He has a mother and a father that love him beyond words and will always be there for him.  He also has a step-monster that loves him and is cheering for him in all he does and will forever be there to pick him up and help dust him off when he falls.   He's fortunate to have so many that love him so much....but I really think we are ones that are blessed most of all.  


I love you Beez!!!