Forgive and Forget

Yesterday was a rough morning in the Paap house.  I wish it wasn't so, but when Mommy's having a rough morning EVERYONE is having a rough morning.  It wasn't supposed to be bad.  I got up early enough to enjoy a cup of coffee outside and had a good 45 minutes to myself which was glorious.  When I came back in to get the girls ready I realized that I was cutting it a bit short on time.  Anyone every try to rush a 2 and 4 year old?  It was going well until I tried to get Haylee to take her allergy medicine.  She just wasn't in the mood.  Frankly, since I had 90 seconds to get to work on time neither was I.  If I wouldn't have pushed her and given her a minute to collect herself I'm certain she would have taken it fine.  She didn't like being pushed.  Seeing that I was in a rush I resorted to raising my voice at her.  It worked.  She took her medicine....but then medicine wasn't all that was taken...so was every hint of the joy of the morning. 

By the time I got to work I felt horrible.  Haylee was going to start her day of preschool with Mommy yelling at her for something that was Mommy's fault.  I got her out of the carseat and I got down face to face with her and I told her how sorry I was for yelling at her.  I told her that Mommy was wrong and I asked her to forgive me.  My precious little girl forgave me and then asked me to forgive her for not taking her medicine when I asked her to.  We hugged each other and the day was on an upswing.

We got home in the afternoon and I wanted to her take a rest.  Haylee asked me to snuggle with her so I laid down beside her.  Looking into her little innocent face I again thought about the morning and how awful I was to her.  I apologized to her again for yelling at her.  Immediately I realized she had long forgotten it, but she did say "Mommy, I still forgive you for that."  To her it was over and done with.  Her face told me that she was a bit perplexed that I would bring up something that was gone from her memory bank. 

I got the message.  It was a beautiful one, and one that I've gotten before.  We serve a God that is the master and forgiving and forgetting.  He tells us that once forgiven our sins are as far as the east is from the west.  My little 4 year old can forgive and forget, why is is that we get a little older and it seems like we lose the ability to do that.  I also find it strange that I personally seem to be able to forgive other people long before I'm able to forgive myself.  I can't tell you how many times I've asked God to forgive me for the same mistakes.  I'm sure He's up there thinking the same thing Haylee was..."Um...Janiece...Still forgave you for that...let it go, I have." 

The lessons we learn from the little souls.  I love that God uses even our little children to teach us.  I know that I have so much to learn from the gift of my daughters.   Certainly it is our job to teach them, but how lovely it is that they teach us right back....if we are paying attention.